Contraception Confidential

The following tip is brought to you by a delightful feminist I have known since Madonna's Erotica album was considered a new release. That's a long time, gang! I am fortunate that I have a non-hormonal birth control method that I adore (the vasectomy), so what follows is for my hetero sisters on the lookout for all the information and advice they can get:

I would post this myself but I'm worried that my mother will freak out. But please share with all your lady friends--this is information that every woman should be aware of!

Last week, I hit day 36 of my cycle with no sign of bleeding. 36 days is the longest I've ever gone, so I knew something was up. I took myself off The Patch last year because I didn't like the hormonal side effects, but I haven't come up with a method I do like.

I didn't want to wait much longer to find out if I was pregnant or not, so I did some research. For the last few months, I've been taking Yogi Tea's Women's Moon Cycle during PMS, to counter cramps, etc. On the package, I noted that it says you should not take it if you are pregnant. The active ingredient is Dong Quai. I looked it up, and sure enough, Dong Quai taken in high enough doses will cause uterine contractions and aid the onset of menstruation. So on day 38, I bought a bottle at Whole Foods and started taking 1000 mg every 4 hours. After 2 days, I started bleeding! This will not work for people who are 6 weeks pregnant or more, but if you are very early, it will work.

I seriously felt like I was subverting the patriarchy when it was over. Why doesn't everyone know about this? Pass it on!

This absolutely, positively true parenting story is brought to you by National Condom Week

Elliott: MOMMMMMM! The cat barfed on Miriam's valentine.

Miriam: (screaming hysterically while shoving a vomit-stained doily in my face) CLEAN IT! MOMMY, I NEED YOU TO CLEAN IT!!!!!!

FFI:
Planned Parenthood

Are feminists telling FEMINISTS to shut up?

I think so. How else to interpret this?

What Tim Tebow's ad can teach the pro-choice movement, by two FORMER members of that very movement, Frances Kissling and Kate Michelman. Excerpt below:

Women's and choice groups responding to the Tebow ad should take a page from the Focus on the Family playbook. Erin Matson, the National Organization for Women's new vice president, called the Tebow spot "hate masquerading as love." That kind of comment may play well in the choice choir, but to others, it makes no sense, at best; at worst, it's seen as the kind of stridency that reinforces the view that pro-choice simply means pro-abortion.

Anyone following this blog knows that I do not allow anyone to pick on Li'l Sis. In that spirit I declare right here that Kissling and Michelman can kiss my pro-abortion ass. That's right, I said it: PRO-ABORTION! Pro-abortion doesn't mean that Elliott and Miriam are merely "kids I didn't kill," children who slid out of my womb before I had the chance to get at 'em. It just means that I think any woman who wants an abortion should be able to get one.I haven't needed one. Pam Tebow didn't want one. But Pam and I are not the only women in the world, dummy!

What sticks in my craw about this piece is not the attack on Sis, but the use of the word "stridency." It's a very fancy way of saying: "Be quiet! No one likes a bitch." Who was it who said that well-behaved bitches never get anything done? Is that on a T-shirt? It should be.

As a self-identified Feminist Bitch, here's my take on the players involved:

CBS: big fat hypocrites who are creeped out by boys kissing, but think it's okay to work with a group that thinks domestic terrorist Scott Roeder got a bum deal. I'm pleased that no programs I watch regularly are on this network, so no boycotts will be necessary.
The Tebow Family: creepy fundamentalists, but that's their problem, not mine.
Mancrunch.com: these fellas ought to be invited to the next NOW conference. I haven't heard them announce that they offered up their ad just to make fools of CBS, but we all know they did and I love them for it.
Focus on the Family: NOT NICE PEOPLE. DUH!

I think Kissling and Michelman are missing a big part of the problem here, which is that FoF are extremists and nutballs. Why should we bother playing nice? From their own website:

To those Christians who feel prohibited from stepping across a property line to save a baby, I would ask....Was Corrie ten Boom's father in violation of Scripture for protecting Jews from the murderers in the SS? Certainly not! Nor are "rescue" participants in violation of any moral law, in my opinion. They seek to prevent violence against a powerless minority, and that is a principle supported throughout Scripture.

In other words, Dr. Carhart better watch his back. And hey, did you know that FoF thinks they know what causes homosexuality?!

... [it is] likely to be related to one or more of the following:
(1) confusion of role models seen in parents, including, but not limited to, a dominant mother and a weak or absent father;
(2) serious family dysfunction that wounds and damages the child;
(3) early sexual abuse;
(4) the influence of an older homosexual during a critical period of adolescence;
(5) conscious choice and cultivation;
(6) homosexual experimentation, such as mutual masturbatory activity, by boys in early adolescence.
How do these and other forces interplay in individual circumstances? I don't know. I don't think anyone knows.

O rly? I'm no psychiatrist, but I have some ideas. In fact, I have my own little experiment going: my kids both have "older homosexuals" in their lives (I'm not gonna touch that "dominant mother" shit), so in 2015 we'll see which way Elliot swings.

So why should we shut up and be quiet? Why should we take a page from their playbook? The writers admit that pro-choice orgs don't have the money to compete with an opposing ad, and why is that, exactly? Not because most American want to outlaw abortion, but because groups like FoF are run by RICH WHITE MEN. Or by churches headed by rich white men that don't have to pay taxes. Here's another word that would annoy Kissling and Michelman as much as "stridency" bugs me: PATRIARCHY.

If you forgot what it means, then look it up.